Self Note

(07:55, clock-in)

You wake and promise yourself that something will be different about today, you’ll get loads and load done, accomplish what you’ve not in the past few days, something new or a contribution to some old project, something. Day’s end and the possibility of that not materializing frightens you, so you don’t attempt as heartily. Why? Why did you let this into your thinking? How did you let that thought, then idea, dissolve into a fantasy? The next day you again make the vow, inward voicing of conviction, saying this thought can be made into a lively and functional, moldable idea. How. By experience. You will craft and compose the experience itself, not let it stray in any one way, even minutely. Every person you interact with today, all people, will be meant for getting you There, to your There, so in the future when you promise yourself something you know you’ll keep it.

You collect first thing, sitting in the coffee shop before work. Inward demands, lectures and notes in your notebook, or journal. A prime and valuable meditation for your Personhood’s composition. In your sitting, you wonder, how do I prevent anything from interfering with my pursuits and my aims for what I want from day? Frankly, you can’t. Rather, you should embrace the momentum of what seeks to obstruct, what you have before allow do dilute and damage your direction. Everything this morning is for you, you realize. Everything around you is meant to usher you to something. Finishing a project around your home, some assignment for school…. You sip your coffee, look around the coffee shop, wonder what everyone else is doing with their day. Are they out for something as wondrous and self-scribing as you? It matters, and it doesn’t. What you’re doing today is for you. You will get there, to your There, not letting the promissory notes you inward voice and motion go unconstructed.

Composing self further, this morning. Everything around you, today, varied from the day you didn’t. Today, you DO. There is no wavering. Today, you’re loud, quick, more curious than you are starved for observations, those that take you closer to some precipice of Personhood, where you transmogrify your state and tangibility. You promise more to yourself, this morning, and every vow is a verse, a song, a piece of reality-grasp. All your thoughts soon graduate to idea, then from idea to enactment. You’ve written a newness about your circulation and sight, all awareness… the people around you don’t see the world, your world, as you do. Your identity is accented poignantly, reiterated, grown in before unknown onus.

You. You see you, and not like yesterday. That character has left the stage and meeting again defies anything worth entertaining. Your present, your presence in the present, more coherent and linguistic. You learn new language in your morning, before you’re to work. You know you’ll swear by all declarations, forward. You’re doing, acting, enacting, from any self-doubt and stray, detracting.

(4/29/18)