Only 11 days left in this first 2020 month.

Dishwasher running, and a bit sad the day’s over… a day where I spent more time than I usually do with the babies. Jack continually telling me what a great dad I am, and that he loves me, and that he’s so glad I’m not teaching tonight. Emma too but nowhere near as vocal as little Kerouac. Jack too told me he wants to be just like me when he grows up, “a businessman” as he specified. Rather than just take the compliment and bask in it and say something back with unknowing condescension to him like “One day you’ll get there, son.” I told him that just now at my old age am I learning business, and I’m not ‘good’ at it yet. Following the quick words with Kerouac I felt unworthy, insecure, and panicked…. Like I need to get to my office, OUR office (Jack’s and mine), and show him that I am what he thinks I am. So that’s why no TV tonight, why now while some want to self-pity and just accept perceived conditions and a mood, and surrender to whatever, I’m here… working. Sipping some of the Sophia’s I was gifted last night after a Winter Wineland weekend, and writing what I can.

I did miss the students, this evening. Will write them shortly. While grocery shopping with little Kerouac, he requesting that I be accompanied, I bought what can only be deemed a writer’s arsenal of caffeine… cinnamon dolce latte k-cups and the same Peet’s cans, espresso, Mom and Dad got me for xmas which didn’t last long at all.

Driving back from the store with Jack, and he again saying what a fun day we had, I saw myself doing this… THIS…