from a journal

5/8/19

Took far too long to get situated and to write at this location. Taking all the cords and wires from backpack, plugging in laptop then phone then the adapter to headphones, or for the phones themselves so I can listen to something which I’m not right now even with ears full with them. Just my luck this place is full.. full of voices full of people full of activity I’d rather not have. Thought this morning about teaching, my teaching life and how it may be indefinitely ending at the JC. The life itself, teaching, does NOT have to end. In fact I refuse its pause or definite end. Kids laughing off to left, I try to ignore them, then again realize I have no music playing. Mr. Coltrane with his Sentimental Mood, assuring me of the day ahead, the drive to Berkeley or Oakland or whatever the territory. Teaching self this morning to not just calm but to place thinking and general observation of things, people around me.

Going to be 40 in three weeks, exactly. What do I want, I think further. Teaching, tech, wine, books, blogs, writing, running, my kids, writing letters to people in my story like the one I was last night talking to, reassuring her that writing is something you decide.

Man asks if someone is sitting here, and by here I mean right in front of me. The traffic is too consistent where I sit. He must be waiting for coffee, whatever he ordered. He looks like…